Remember when we were kids, and summer injuries were just par for the course of being a kid? Skinned knees, sprained ankles… perhaps a tooth knocked out. The highlight of these injuries was the odd pastime of showcasing them, or comparing them with other kids'. "Look at my knee! Oh yeah, check this out!" Good times. Needless to say, this past week has been very nostalgic for me. My softball shenanigans last weekend has resulted in the undisputed champion of a bruise for the summer. I give major props to Annie and Eric for not only coming out, but for standing in the rain to watch our team play perhaps the worst game of the season. Thanks guys.
It all started because I have what I would like to call an 'Annika Complex'. My dog will chase a ball to the end of the world, and I'm not much different. As shortstop, quite a few grounders come whizzing my way. I can't say no. I will kick, dive, or fall onto any passing ball so help me God. This may explain why I'm so injury-prone, but I digress. During two of these chases I fell onto the same leg twice. It hurt, but I had no idea what was in store for me when the knee sock came off.
I'd like to say it looked like a like a loaf of wonder bread, and it did – for a moment. Soon after, however, the swelling abated and a bruise befitting something out of an ICU ward set in. The end result was a week's disability at work and a prescription bottle of Motrin 800. The bruise is so heinous, grown men at work don't want to see it. I can't wear shorts because people will think that Jason is abusing me or that I was in a car accident.
I consider the whole thing quite stupid, actually. Yeah, I know I fell, but this isn't like the time I took a ball of the shin. The bruise from that was dark, but not that large. And I still have a lump on my leg. So between that and a recent sports report, I decided to investigate bizarre sports injuries - mainly because they make me feel a little better. The following are my two favs.
This past week, the Tigers' own Brandon Inge was placed on the DL for 15 days for re-injuring his strained oblique by (of all things) pushing on a pillow. You read that right. "It was the stupidest, most freakish thing… you take swings in baseball, and it's not as bad as pushing a pillow down." According to Free Press sports writer John Lowe, Upon hearing this story, manager Jim Leyland was quoted as saying, "That's a first."
And while that may be a first, it still doesn't come close to my personal favorite. Brandon Marshall of the Denver Broncos may not have long for this world. He has slipped and fallen with extensive injuries not once but twice on BURGER WRAPPERS. The first time he slipped on McDonalds wrapper and put his right arm through a television, causing serious injury. Naturally, he developed an aversion to McD's and opted recently for Burger King. The following is from serioussportsnewsnetwork.com:
"I made all these changes to try to avoid slipping on a McDonald's wrapper, and it turns out you can have basically the same problem with a Burger King wrapper," a perplexed and frustrated Marshall said. "As it turns out, the Whopper wrapper is such a big wrapper that I think it's actually more dangerous."
Marshall's second tumble resulted in a fall down some stairs, a bruised knee and the loss of seven teeth.
I had to wonder if Mr. Marshall was just a pig, letting his trash drop wherever, but I was quickly corrected by this addendum:
Reached for comment, a Burger King spokesman admitted he had heard of similar accidents, but refused to concede that the fast food giant might be at fault.
"We wish Mr. Marshall the best, but we would like to assure the public our wrappers are safe. This could have happened with any piece of trash lying in the wrong spot. It just so happens that our Whopper is so delicious, most people don't even concentrate on where they put the wrapper."
*Sigh* Please have a safe summer.
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